Children at Weddings - “Arrgh!?” Terrible or Terrific?

Children are of course wonderful little people. The question you may have is whether or not you want to have them at your wedding. If you have children already you will probably want to have them in the wedding and if you have close family members with children there are ways to incorporate each of them in a way where they will all feel important on the wedding day. I am not going to go into the reasons you may have for not wanting them there, but rather point out some ways to include them without bringing down the party.

If you are having your children in the wedding think of this, do you want your children to be the only children there? Once the ceremony is over, would they enjoy the day being the only children present? One option I tell my brides is to consider having children at the ceremony, and the beginning of the reception, with childcare being provided in an adjacent room for the latter part of the reception. This allows the children to enjoy the day, eat a “fancy” dinner and dance a little in their formalwear… these make for great pictures and memories. When the day begins to wean and before the little ones become restless they can adjourn to the childcare area, equipped with both a sleeping and play area. Snacks of course will have to be provided as well as a separate lavatory for their use. Having a childcare area will allow for the adults to party and the children to interact with their peers and go to sleep at a reasonable time, without forcing their parents to leave early. Your guests will thank you for the childcare area. If there are teenagers that will be present at your wedding you may solicit them to supervise the childcare area for a small fee. If you forgo this option and opt for a more professional childcare arena, the costs will not break the bank, just think of how much baby-sitters go for in your area and account for the hours you need service as well as the amount of children - hence the number of providers you will need. The final costs will be dependent on you and/or your wedding planner’s negotiating skills. Some wedding planners have assistants that provide a childcare service for a small fee (or perhaps it is included in your wedding planning package). Your wedding planner will be able to assist you with formalizing and finalizing the details of the childcare area. If you decide against hiring a wedding planner, the reception site event coordinator will be able to assist you. This is a topic you will have to put on the table because many coordinators will not offer this without first being prompted.

If you decide to have children attend your day’s festivities it would be a nice touch to give each of them a small gift. As a wedding planner, I make it a point to discuss with each child their duties and promise them an age appropriate gift if they will try their hardest to do as they were told, this incentive helps a lot. I actually give the gifts regardless of their performance but it is an incentive. This may seem manipulative, but it works wonders!

Children who are not in the wedding can be utilized in many ways, one of which is handing out the programs to guests, allowing some of the older ones perform as ushers, and having some of the younger ones hand out water bottles (if an outdoor event). There are many ways to incorporate children that will keep them busy, the idea is to be creative. You may decide to even have the children form together to sing a special song during the ceremony. You may decide to have the children who assist sit in a special section or you may prefer them to sit with their parents (younger children should sit with an adult or older relative such as a sibling, aunt or grandparent). One thing to remember is to include these children in your ceremony program, it will certainly boost their morale when they see their names in print for helping you!

So, of course the decision is yours, but I hope I shed a little light on the topic and gave you a bit to think about in regards of whether you want to invite children to your wedding. Happy days!

Written by: Carla McCurthon